It's Official - Beth Buck is GONE - WHOOPEE

Beth Buck, resident loony "unbiased" journalist writes about her NO on Measure V supporters (the ones that paid her $ 10,000 to help fight Measure V):

The only thing I know for sure today is that all the people who worked on the NO on V campaign – you are incredible individuals. Especially my good friend Jim Snider, who without him as my alter ego, I wouldn't get to write the stuff I really feel.

With full time jobs (except for me), with families, with illnesses, mostly nauseau from reading my rants, with Little League, with all the obligations and everyday details of life, you still managed to give more of yourselves than you probably thought you had to give and I appreciate the 10 grand.

I realize that the Yes crowd, despite being complete assholes, they too had volunteers in Little League, Pony League, Friends of the Library, CouncilMembers, Ex-Mayors, Mt. Wilson Trail Race Volunteers, Search and Rescue team members, Fire Council Members and countless other organizations, that they too gave of themselves, but they are still asses because they dare to disagree with me and my realtor friends.

Whether it was 8 in the morning or 8 at night, I always knew whom to call. Any one of you, especially to get my check for helping with the campaign. Despite being labeled a "lackey", I defend my actions and welcome the day where a majority of the town forgets that I have ridiculed them.

Passionate, caring, honorable and smart. You almost did your homework. You knew the facts, but chose to ignore them. You spoke from the heart but your words were always guided by the knowledge in your head, despite being sold a pack of lies.

I appreciate that you were gullible and disregarded the future of the city for your own financial needs.

I’m proud to have gotten to know some of you better and I was honored to work with those I have loved for years, especially Jimmy Boi. In short, you are all an ass act.

I wish I could say the same for everybody in this long campaign, especially Jim Snider, somebody named "Colleen" and the smut peddlers like myself who berated decent citizens because they had the audactity to disagree with my unbiased and well thought out opinion.

Here is the email sent to the RSVP website immediately following the election:

“.... it would appear that the "No On V" claque ended uppaying $100 a vote in somebody's money. Which means you guys came up $9,400 short.

Think your patrons will ever put that kind of money behind you people again?

Considering the wretched mess you made of this election, I doubt it.

Here, have some cheese with that whine.

Eric”

Our response, “Only a loser could come up with such a ‘gracious’ victory statement.” And I know a loser when I see one - when I look in the mirror....

With NO, we would have said "nanny nanny pants on fire". Despite the juvenile rants that I have written over the past year, I guarantee you that I wouldn't have gloated over the assholes who voted Yes.

You can trust me, I'm Beth Buck, the self appointed most important person in Sierra Madre.

I hope that “Eric” is a small part of an ill-mannered few and that the majority of the Measure’s proponents will rise to the occasion of bringing the City back to some semblance of normalcy.

I also hope that our ill-mannered majority on No will also stop glaring at people in Starbucks and supporting Jim Snider, we've used him, now we can drop him.

That, too, I’m sure we’ll find out soon, but realtors have long memories.

It’s been 9 months since downtown dog sh*t dirt.org first started. 9 months of unbiased and superior journalism. 9 months of unprecedented journalistic candor. 9 months of creating dog sh*t out of nothing. 9 months of my petty rants and immpeccable journalistic meandering puke filled writings.

Despite what some would like to say, regardless of who they’ve tried to link or confuse us with or how they despised the free speech of our community message board, except for anybody who disagreed with our agenda and wrote opposing views to my rants. We were linked to the Cumquat and for that, I am eternally proud and stand by my gutter level convinctions.

I am proud of every single article, rant, poison dart and fluff interview, of every misdirected correction we made to our own media lies and distortion, of every psedo fact we offered our fellow residents. I am proud to hate Katina Dunn and Susan Henderson. I am proud to advocate boycotts of Sierra Madre businesses. I am proud to be paid by the realtors to spread lies about Measure V. I am proud to not care about the city.

And I’m especially proud of the 771,576,866 gazillon bogus hits that we have had over those 9 months. Granted, nobody can make up those kind of numbers and since I am the only one who can monitor the hits, you just have to take my word for it and since I am unbiased, I don't care if my hit count was bullshit.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of our Sierra Madreans. We tried our best to fool them with the $ 160 grand to defeat Measure V, but they were just too smart.

With the overwhelming support of the realtors and their network, we came close to winning and then we could have laughed in their faces as we built hundreds of condos, screwed up the infrastructure of the city, added a traffic light and a thousand new residents - but just think of all the real estate commissions we would have generated....

Thank you for your continued support, but am I still going to get a check from somebody? What about all my "hits", can some of you now place advertising on my site? What am I gonna do now?

While our original purpose was to distort the unbias, create misinformation and bigoted innuendo in the local media, eventually, our mission centered on the debate over Measure V, which was my agenda all along - at least I got paid and you thought I actually gave a crap?

But the debate is over and what will I rant about now? I can't walk through town without being laughed at and I thought everybody was laughing with me.

While the unofficial vote was a very close one (a difference of only 93 votes and if we'd had another 100 realtors in town we'd won), and may officially become even closer, the majority has ruled.

That’s the nature of a democracy and I hate it. My opinion counts more and I was a media darling, totally unbiased and full of myself - at least I have my distinquished acting career to fall back on.

And the nature of all the people I know, who love this town so devotedly, is to abide by the rules, even if a bunch of assholes voted for the Measure V.

They will do that now, abide by the rules, but we'll find a way to build out the downtown, mark my words. We need the real estate commissions.

There will be more issues and more votes; more disagreements and more dissension and I will do my best to create them and rant on - even with nobody listening to me anymore. I wish I had a real newspaper and a real journalistic credentials and a Big Mac with limburger cheese....

And all these people that I so don't respect and admire will stand up again to fight the next battle on the next day. We will fight somebody over something but won't say a word about the Canyon Zone or speak a peep about the Dorn-Platz lawsuits because that would upset the realtors.

That also is the nature of democracy to fight for no reason - RANT ON.

But this is downtown dog sh*t dirt.org’s last article. Of course, I never had much to say of value anyway, but that's beside the point.

You see, I never had an agenda other than the one I was getting paid to do, which was to defeat Measure V. I was always a shill for the developers and now that everybody knows it, I'll go back to my floudering acting career.

It’s time to move on to other endeavors in other ways or maybe move away.

I will miss the secret phone calls boycotting Sierra Madre businesses, and the nasty emails; I’ll miss the camaraderie of trying to rip apart the heart of Sierra Madre, the friendships with the realtors; I’ll miss the news, in fact I never understood real news or journalism and I'll miss the excitement, the hate filled emotion and the urgency; I’ll miss the passionate encounters with Jim Snider. I'll miss slugging down burbon shooters at the Buc.

I will miss writing stupid rants, I will miss hating Katina Dunn, I will miss Ernesto T Bass and Gladys Cravis, I will miss myself, I will miss Beavis and Butthead (Glenn and Jim), I will miss being missed.

I will miss you guys terribly…I just wish you felt the same way about me.

…But not them - I still hate most of the people in town. I am always right and I DEMAND YOU ANSWER ME...oh hell, I have nothing to demand anymore.

MEET THE NEW BOSS OF DOWNTOWN DIRT

SAME AS THE OLD BOSS

Dorn Platz Deer Head Sale

Dorn Platz, developer of 1 Carter and Stonehouse has a limited number of deer head available for sale from it's ethnic cleansing fiesta held last month at the esteemed 1 Carter Estates. Proceeds of the deer head sales will benefit the No on Measure V campaign and the Sierra Madre Chamber of Commerce.

The family event was sponsored by Soethby's Real Estate, Webb-Martin, Prudential Real Estate, Century 21, Bart Doyle and the Arcadia Board of Realtors.

A spokeman for Dorn Platz, who declined to be identified at the risk of being boycotted by somebody named "Coleen" said, "It was a great hunt and we are grateful for the overwhelming support we are now receiving from Sierra Madre realtors. If you recall, They were up in arms about us building Maranatha High School and shut us down, but they have turned full circle and now are major supporters of us building multi-million dollar homes in our exclusive subdivisions. We whole heartedly support their fight against Measure V."

Each mounted deer head comes with it's own plaque, stating the date and time it was killed, by which real estate agent and features logos from Sierra Madre real estate firms. "It's great marketing and we are the most important stewards in town, everybody else who volunteers in this town for the last 100 years can kiss our asses", said a real estate agent at Prudential who declined to be identified at the risk of being boycotted by the residents of Sierra Madre.

For additional information on your own 1 Carter or Stonehouse deer head, contact the Sierra Madre Chamber of Commerce.

Beth Buck Head Explodes

Sierra Madre online media mogul, Beth Buck, head
exploded only moments after cashing her
$ 9,500 check for leading the fight to defeat
Measure V.

Jim Snider, a close family friend witnessed the accident.

"As like every week, Bethy Poo was royally pissed off at the Mt. Wilson Observer, but this time she was really upset about being exposed for her family business taking money to help defeat Measure V. She said nobody would take her serious again as a journalist, which was kind of funny, because nobody ever took her serious. "

"Anyway, I told her that I'd post another picture of Aunt Jemima to make fun of the African American who runs the paper, but she wouldn't listen to me. She started foaming at the mouth, her eyes bulged out and then blam...it was brain matter all over the place. Granted, it wasn't much brain matter, but it was "unbiased", said Snider.

After two seconds of silence at the February Council meeting, Mayor Buckhannon, peering over his glasses, eyes darting back and forth, he chimed, "Beth was important, mostly to herself, but she was important, at least that what's she kept saying to me everytime we spoke. She say, "John, I am important." I knew at some point her big ego was going to explode that head of hers. I'd say I'm going to miss her, but....."

The California Association of Realtors issued a brief statement, "Ms. Buck has been instrumental in helping our association donate large sums of money to defeat Measure V and we will miss Ms. Buck's unbiased and balanced reporting of issues that affect our ability to overcrowd Sierra Madre, like we give a crap about Sierra Madre's future. She was a great friend to our cause."

Sierra Madre Publisher Says Piss on Veterans

Shown on the left, Jim Snider says, "Piss on our military veteran's and on Sierra Madre. I've got Beth Buck supporting my constitutional right to publish racist and bigoted humor as long as we defeat Measure V. She's even plagarizing my stuff for her own dog sh*t website. It's all in good nature fun. I want all of my bigoted and racist friends to vote No on Measure V - me and Bethy Bucky poo say so and we are the smartest people in town."

John Buckhanon, soon to be ex-Mayor lauded Snider's pissing of a memorial, "Hey the guy is funny - I love it when he makes fun of people on the other side, you know the lowlifes in town and he is on my side to vote no on Measure V - only idiots will vote YES. Us ex-Mayors know more than you, even though one was a busboy at a cafe.....wait a minute, I'm rambling again...is there anybody I can scold.....you've got 30 seconds...28 seconds...25 seconds...14 seconds...3 1/2 seconds...times up - times up - times up....somebody call the cops....do I have a hair out of place..."

Beth Buck, publisher of downtown dog sh*t dirt website, declined to comment on the incident, stating she was busy writing a screenplay for Warner Brothers and preparing for her next inbreed role handed to her by her director son. "Last time, my famous director son, better than Clint Eastwood if I must say, anyway, my son gave me a totally bullshit credit as "attractive woman at party", which was an acting stretch, but I'll take anything - since I cashed that $ 9,500 check from the No on Measure V marketing machine, nobody takes me serious anymore."

Snider was arrested and charged with community service - his community service was to leave Sierra Madre said a spokesman with the Sierra Madre Police Department. The spokesman declined to be indentified at the risk of being boycotted by local real esate sales people.

As he was being escorted out of town into Arcadia, Snider was exclaiming, "don't forget to vote NO....I'll be back.....I'll be back....I'm funny as hell...."

Jim Snider Publishers Racist Humor

Jim Snider's Alter Ego - Supported by Major John Buchanon

Supported by Ex-Mayor Glenn Lambin

Supported by Beth Buck

Sierra Madre - A Town of Racists - WHITES ONLY

Jim Snider - Publishes Racist and Bigoted Humor

Supported by NO on Measure V

Won't something like this be nice at the Howie's lot?

It can still happen - despite Measure V being passed.

"And you can see, if Measure V passes we won't be able to build a 3 story parking garage and 75 condos at Howie's....and won't a traffic light look nice there...."

- VOTE NO ON MEASURE V -

WE NEED MORE TRAFFIC IN SIERRA MADRE

VOTE NO ON MEASURE V SAY REAL ESTATE AGENTS

TRUST THE COUNCIL TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THE DEVELOPERS

DRAMA QUEEN OF SIERRA MADRE ELECTED

ONLINE MEDIA MOGUL IS NAMED DRAMA QUEEN OF SIERRA MADRE BY SIERRA MADRE COMMUNITY COLLEGE FOR PUBLISHING DOG SH*T NEWS AND

DEVELOPER PROPAGANDA.

"I'm always right - damn it", basically claims Beth Buck, self appointed media darling and controller of everything right and unbiased in the media.

If you want stupidly insane drama queen rants and bogus news, read downtown dog sh*t dirt dog UGLY - chocked full of nutty forum posts and dim witted writing.

Multi Use Strip Club and Funeral Parlor Plans Announced

CUMTWAT PUBLISHER ANNOUNCES NEW BUSINESS

February 29, 2007 - Sierra Madre

The Sierra Madre Planning Commission has received an application from Jimmy "Boi" Snider, publisher of the "adult" website (Sierra Madre Cumtwat) for a combination adult strip club and funeral parlor scheduled to be open at the former Howie's site in early 2008.

Aptly named, "Lucky Stiffs", Snider said that the strip club/funeral parlor business venture was an ideal fit for Sierra Madre and would feature a wax museum dedicated to the memory of fallen porn stars.

"Lucky Stiffs will have it all", said Snider. "We plan valet parking...as soon as we can get a traffic light installed, which I've been promised by the Mayor that that would happen despite all DSP bullshit about never having a traffic light in town."

"As usual, he's totally full of crap", said Mayor Buckhannon. "All I did was buy a VIP card, I wanted Lucky Stiffs Card 001, but I didn't promise a traffic light to him. I had already promised a traffic signal to the condo developer, so Snider needs to get his facts straight like the downtown dog sh*t website."

Supporters of Snider have issued acclaims of welcome. Beth Buck, publisher of downtown dog sh*t dirt (online news source for real estate agents and developers) said, "In my unbiased opinion, Lucky Stiffs is a great thing for the city. The senior housing facility is nearby, which is an excellent customer based for the funeral parlor and the strip club can compliment the Buc. The club will include lush landscaping and plenty of convenient parking in the nearby 3 story parking lot"

Buck denied Snider's claim on the Cumtwat website that she would be a featured dancer on Sunday's at Lucky Stiffs, "I'm too busy acting, writing famous screenplays and running my dog sh*t website. However, I do look forward to dancing along side my friend Shirley Moore during special occasions such as the Wisteria Festival."

Asked about the future of Taylor's Meats and Produce currently occupying the former Howie's site, Snider said, "They are staying. My special realtor girl friend likes cucumbers (wink wink) from Taylor's and we plan on selling foot long hot dogs at Lucky Stiffs, except I don't want to know what people are actually doing with them."

Snider said construction will begin after he finishes bribing the Planning Commission, mainly John Hutt. "That Hutt asks too many actual building code questions, a couple years ago Lucky Stiff's would have been green lighted without question. I don't have to worry about the City Council, I'm guaranteed 3 votes and I've been saying nice things about Zimmerman on my website, so I may get his approval. I expect Don Watts to be out of town when the vote comes up."

A promotional campaign is already underway. "I've placed an online ad on downtown dog sh*t dirt, which is my primary target audience. Those people are natural customers for me since I see most of them at the Buc and at Pleasures on Friday nights. I would place an ad in The Mt. Wilson Observer, but can't because the real estate agents would be offended and then would boycott Lucky Stiffs."

When asked why he decided to open a combination strip club and funeral parlor, Snider said that "It's been his life long ambition to publish as degrading website and piss on a few neighbors, which I've already done with the Cumtwat and also to own a strip club since I've been banned from all in area. The funeral parlor was just an after thought when I saw all the seniors walking around town."

Staying true to his humorous wit, Snider said his mission statement will be, "Anybody who dies of a heart attack from receiving a lap dance receives a free cremation."

Skate Park Scheduled to Open At Howies

Skatepark / Parking Lot Slated For Howies

Sierra Madre Parks and Rec Department announced that the upcoming 3 story parking garage to be built at Howie's will also double as a city sanctioned skate park. "Kids are going to skate there anyway, so we are going to close the lot at 2:00 on school days and on the weekends so our kids can skateboard", said Mayor John Buckhannon.

Citing numerous infractions of skating in downtown and the fact that skateboarders are a "dangerous breed", the Mayor stated that over 350 local boys and girls had approached him, first complaining about lewd acts by Jim Snider, publisher of the Sierra Madre Cumtwat, but also that the kids needed an another place to skate in town.

"The skate ramps at the Rec are totally lame", said a 11 year old skateboarder who declined to be indentified at the risk of being "boycotted" by readers of the downtown dirt website. "All my friends have been telling our parents to support the city building 3 story parking lots because they are great to skate in, but we know that the police will be arresting us.", said the boy.

Dorn Platz Clearing Vermin out of 1 Carter & Stonehouse

Local Realtors Help Evict 1 Carter and StoneHouse Residents

( hunter's identity withheld at the risk of being boycotted)

February 29, 2007

Realtors from Prudential and Webb Martin participated in a festive weekend at the 1 Carter and Stonehouse Estates, to kick off sales for the real estate projects. Face painting, carnival rides and deer hunting was part of the motivational seminar weekend.

Dorn Platz spokesman, who declined to be identified at the risk of being "boycotted" said, "it was a great family time. We've been receiving complaints about displaced deer that were venturing into downtown Sierra Madre, eating off tables at Lucky Baldwins, so what better way to kick off our sales campaign and the same time help the city by ridding the city of those pesky deer vermin".

The Sierra Madre Police Department said it was not aware of the illegal deer hunt and would not comment at the risk of being "boycotted".

Spokesmen Prudential and Webb Martin all declined comment at the risk of being "boycotted".

Buck Chosen to Replace Mosca

February 29. 2007


In a stunning reversal, the Recall Joe Mosca movement has named local media mogul, Beth Buck as it's replacement City Council Member for Mosca.

Buck, publisher of the Downtown Dirt Website, has been a long time supporter of Mosca said, "While I didn't vote for the son of a bitch, in fact, I couldn't stand him because he was part of the 2 whatever movement, but since he flip flopped on his campaign promises, I thought to myself, "Self, I kind of like the guy now and I'm going to promote him on my unbiased dirty dog sh*t website. However, I want the prick out of office so I can one day be Mayor."

Continuning to ramble, Buck asserted, "my well documented unbiased attitude and strong belief that I am smarter and a way way better writer than Susan Henderson or Katina Dunn, plus the fact I've got the best read media source in California, with 974 million hits makes me highly qualified to spout my opinions as fact and my legions of followers rival Rev. Jim Jones."

Unable to make any sense of what she was saying, the Recall Joe Mosca leaders are certain that Buck will make a perfect addition to the City Council. "She can ask as many dumb questions, ramble nonsense, be an excellent town scold, scream incoherently and waste money with the best of them", said Pete Spenser, President of the Recall Joe Mosca campaign.

The Recall Joe Mosca campaign has already gathered 65 million signatures, rivaling the number of hits on the downtown dog sh*t dirt website. Mosca will be rolled out of town in a former Howies grocery cart during a centennial ceremony held during the annual Wisteria Festival.

As the new City CouncilMember, Buck is scheduled to be sworn in on March 22nd, but Buck stated that she may not be available because of prior committments as featured speaker at the National Association of Unbiased Journalists convention in Washington D.C.

The National Association of Journalists declined an interview at the risk of being "boycotted".

The Association issued a brief terse statement defending Buck's website, "It is the constituional right to publish dog shit, even in the name of unbiased and exaggerated journalism and we stand by the right of every American to publish dog shit and parodies of local citizens. It may stink, but dog shit online journalism has it's place, mainly the dumpster."

The leaders for the Recall Mosca movement are undetterred in their support of Buck, stating she is the best, smartest, greatest, most pleasant, friendliest, journalistic and without doubt, the most unbiased person in Sierra Madre and will save the city from certain ruin.

Calls to the downtown dog sh*t dirt website were not returned because of the fear of being "boycotted".

UnBiased Graffiti Shows Up In Sierra Madre

February 29, 2007 - Sierra Madre, California.

An investiation is underway by the Sierra Madre Police Department regarding a crime wave of graffiti spraying on local city signs. A slew of signs are being defaced with the ad slogan, "downtown dirt", said a SMPD spokesman, who declined to be identified at the risk of being "boycotted".

"So far, the juvenile spray painting has only been advertising a highly popular and unbiased website, known for its impeccable journalistic credentials, but we are concerned that other media outlets will resort to this guerilla marketing tactic", said a spokesman for the Police Department.

The spokesman, who again declined to be identifed in fear of being "boycotted", added, "we are certain that other media giants such as the Sierra Madre Cumtwat will soon follow suit with such tactics.

The Cumtwat publisher, Jim Snider is already facing charges of malicious defacement as he is accused of writing on the walls of Men's bathrooms - "For a good time - call Jimmy Boi @ the Cumtwat" on the Men's bathroom walls at the Buc and also at Heasley Field.

Local newspaper publisher, Susan Henderson, an angry white person said, "It surprises me that the durt website will stoop to such tactics. They are up to 14 gazillion hits and certainly don't need the exposure. They are already filled with advertisers."

Mayor, John Buckhanon lambasted the website publisher for defacing city property, "Hell, it's no surprise since most of what the website publishes is dog shit, smells like dog shit and is in fact dog shit, that the publisher is defacing city owned dog shit signs at Mt. Wilson Trail and the Dog Park."

Former Mayor, Rob Stocbuckley chided the website, "I guess from now on the website will be known as dog shit, but at least it still isn't biased dog shit."

Former Mayor, Clem Buckcladiddlehopper, denounced the website, "Ever since they added smell o vision to the website, I can't get the smell of dog shit out of my hair. I kept checking my shoes and realized the dog shit was coming from the computer. I've had to paint my office twice to get rid of the dog shit smell."

An advertising spokesman for "Moe's Tattoo Parlor" said it was cancelling it's advertising contract with the website, "the website didn't want cash or a check for advertising, they wanted us to pay them with big piles of dog shit, which kept us at the dog park for hours on every Saturday."

The spokesman for Moe's said it won't advertise anywhere else in Sierra Madre at the risk of being "boycotted".

Calls to the dog shit downtown dirt website publisher were not returned.

Dirt Transcript Release

By: Race Bannon
Investigative Reporter - The Sierra Madre Cactus

Dirty Manuscript Found Behind Buc

February 29, 2007 - Sierra Madre, California

"I read the author's name and kn

ew I was dealing with smut and immediately called the police," stated a bartender for the Buc, who has asked that his name or business not be identified at the risk of being "boycotted". "I had to wash my hands at least 6 times to get rid of the stench.", he added.

This newsource obtained a copy of the manuscript which was scheduled for release on the highly popular and "unbiased" news network, downtown dog sh*t dirt dot UGLY - a source of propaganda news for real estate agents, the Arcadia Board of Realtors and a couple of Sierra Madre developers.

The story reads like this:

"BLAH BLAH BLAH - I AM MORE UNBIASED THAN YOU - I DEMAND THAT YOU LISTEN TO ME - I DEMAND THAT YOU LISTEN TO ME - BLAH BITCH BITCH BITCH AND MOAN BITCH BLAH BLAH - I WAS A PROFESSOR OF JOURNALISM...WAIT I HAVE NO CREDENTIALS - WAAAAAAAAA BLAH BLAH - EAT DIRT BLAH BLAH - EVERYBODY IS WRONG IN THE MEDIA (EXCEPT ME) - THE END OF SIERA MADRE IS NEAR - BLAH BLAH BITCH BITCH- I DEMAND - I DEMAND - I DEMAND THAT YOU LISTEN TO ME - MY SUPPORTERS ARE MORE INFORMED AND NICER THAN ANYBODY ELSE IN TOWN - BLAH BLAH BLAH - HERE'S SOME DIRT FOR YOU - I HATE KATINA DUNN BECAUSE SHE IS A COMPETITOR AND WAY MORE QUALIFIED THAN ME, CALL IT PROFESSIONAL UNLIKE - BLAH BLAH BLAH - ONLY STUPID PEOPLE DISAGREE WITH ME - BLAH BLAH LET ME TELL YOU WHY I'M RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG - CHECK YOUR FACTS - MY OPINION IS FACT AND NOT EDITORIAL AND I AM MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU AND I AM UNBIASED - BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH - ANYBODY WHO DISAGREES WITH ME IS WRONG - WAAAAAAAAAA DOG SHIT I AM A BIG TIME JOURNALIST - WE NEED 476 CONDOS IN DOWNTOWN FOR MY REAL ESTATE FRIENDS - BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH - I AM UNBIASED AND EVERYTHING I WRITE IS UNBIASED - BITCH BITCH BITCH MOAN MAON WHINE WHINE BITCH BLAH BLAH - I DEMAND THAT YOU LISTEN TO ME - I AM A SUCCESSFUL SCREENWRITER - BLAH BITCH BITCH BITCH MOAN MOAN BITCH BLAH LET ME TELL YOU WHY YOU STUPID IDIOTS VOTING FOR MEASURE V ARE WRONG - 3 MILLION HITS ON MY WEBSITE IN A TOWN OF 10,000 YEAH RIGHT BULLSHIT - BLAH BLAH BITCH BITCH BITCH BLAH - I AM MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU - BOYCOTT SIERRA MADRE - BOYCOTT SIERRA MADRE - BLAH BLAH BLAH - 750 MILLION HITS ON MY WEBSITE - BLAH BLAH BLAH - I'M SWEEPING AWAY UNBIASED REPORTING - WAAAAAAAAAA I MEAN BIASED REPORTING - I DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN - I NEED HELP EDITING THIS MANUSCRIPT - BLAH BLAH BLAH - EAT DIRT YOU ASSHOLES EVERYBODY AGAINST ME IS HATEFILLED HATEMONGERS AND BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BITCH BITCH BITCH MOAN MOAN BLAH BLAH BLAH - 985 MILLION HITS - EVERYBODY LIKES ME - BLAH BLAH - I AM A DIRT BUSTER BUT I CREATE A LOT OF DUST - BLAH BLAH - THE END IS NEAR - THE END IS NEAR - THE END IS NEAR FOR SIERRA MADRE UNLESS EVERYONE AGREES WITH ME AND ALLOW MY FRIENDS TO DEVELOP DOWNTOWN SIERRA MADRE - BITCH BITCH BITCH I'M A BIG TIME SCREENWRITER BULLSHIT - BITCH BITCH BITCH MOAN BLAH BLAH EVERYBODY ELSE IS WRONG EXCEPT ME AND MY FRIENDS - BLAH BLAH BLAH - EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS - WAAAAAAAAA I AM VERY IMPORTANT - BLAH BLAH BLAH - LET ME TELL WHY YOU ARE WRONG WRONG WRONG - BLAH BLAH - EAT DIRT YOU SCUMBAG - BLAH BLAH BLAH - ONLY STUPID PEOPLE DISAGREE WITH ME - BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH - DEVELOPER'S HAVE RIGHTS TOO - WHINE WHINE WHINE BLAH BLAH BLAH - I ASK THE HARD HITTING QUESTIONS AS LONG AS THEY FIT MY DOG SHIT WEBSITE AGENDA - BLAH BLAH BLAH - I AM IMPORTANT - BLAH BLAH - I AM A DIRT BUSTER AND EVERYBODY ELSE IS WRONG - BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH - WHINE WHINE WHINE - SOMEBODY LISTEN TO ME I DEMAND IT - I DECIDE WHAT MATTERS IN SIERRA MADRE - PEOPLE IN SIERRA MADRE ARE TOO FREAKING STUPID TO MAKE INTELLIGENT DECISIONS ABOUT POPULATION DENSITY - BLAH BLAH BLAH - LET ME TELL YOU WHY YOU ARE ONCE AGAIN WRONG - ONLY MY FACTS ARE RIGHT - BLAH BLAH BITCH BITCH BLAH - EAT DIRT YOU SCUMBAG - I WISH I WAS A REAL EDITOR - BLAH BLAH BLAH - EAT DIRT - THE SKY IS FALLING - THE SKY IS FALLING

After a tense defusement of the document by the Sierra Madre SWAT team, the dirty manuscript was turned over to Los Angeles County Hazmat Officials for lab analysis.

Dr. Tyler Ruck, Lab Tech reassured Sierra Madre residents, "our tests indicated that the manuscript was not hazardous, in fact it was typical ranting low grade bitchy whiny journalism, but not dangerous or the least bit unbiased, however it did smell like dog shit."